Friday, November 11, 2011

Heavy Metal Vomit Christmas Party

Christmas with the family, my wife and kids are here
the fire is warm, oh what more could I want?
but there's something missing, I'm tugging at the strings
of my sweater, which has reindeer on the front
  they're fuzzy in their splendor, but don't bring back the glow
  that christmas with my family brought me all those years ago
       so can we have a heavy metal vomit christmas party please?
       if no one pukes, it doesn't feel like christmas time to me
      You'd better not cry, you'd better not pout I'm getting my Dokken tapes back out
      let's get a mosh pit going all around the christmas tree

               sugarplum fairies wear boots

Every year my cousins would dub each others tapes
as we played them on my grandma's stereo
we'd beat up on my brother, and act like youth gone wild
burning things, and making demons in the snow
    One year cousin Larry bashed my skull into the wall
    I'm bleeding in the shots of me with santa at the mall
       oh can we have a heavy metal vomit christmas party please
       the smell of vodka makes it feel like christmas time to me
       when the grown-up table began to pray, the kids table knocked the night away  
      shouting at the devil all around the christmas tree

Oh, we were FUN at the christmas pageant. My cousin gladys, who was the angel of the lord, threw horns while my cousins, who were the wise men set fire to the manger and chanted "true norweigian black metal!"  We're not welcome at church anymore, but the memories last a lifetime. I want to share that with my kids, honey!

     I believe we need a heavy metal vomit christmas party please
     I want my kids to know what what feels like christmas time to me
     heedless of the wind and weather, let's all shout "no life til leather!"
     I sold my soul for rock and roll around the christmas tree

Hey, let's sing some of my favorite Christmas songs! Like, "Glumpy the Elf Who Sawed His Leg Off." Or "Megadeth is Coming to Town." Or "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" - with the ORIGINAL lyrics that Judy Garland thought were too depressing and mean-spirited! Gosh! I love Christmas!

(c) 2011 by Adam Selzer, ASCAP

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