The Three Bean Casserole War

They served a three bean casserole at lunchtime one day

and which three beans they were, well no one could say

but on that cold november, this one kid named tim

got angry at Mike, and threw a handful at him

and so began the nightmare I’ll never forget

That was the day of the three bean casserole war

there were three kinds of beans smeared on every last inch of the floor

it clung to the wall like the stickiest paste

it ruined your clothes and it stuck to your face

many good kids got messy in the three bean casserole war

Mike threw some back, and soon everyone else did too

and I grabbed some myself, for I didn't know what else to do

I was shorter than most kids in the next grade below me

but if you think that mattered, then man, you don't know me

I held my own, and came out nearly perfectly clean

I'm a decorated vet of the three bean casserole war

the food fight greater than any imagined before

one by one, I watched my comrades fall

but somehow my shirt didn't get stained at all

though I ruined my shoes in the three bean casserole war

   when we ran out of cass’role to throw, the fight came to an end

   having turned brother ‘gainst brother, and friend against friend

   and they cleaned up the beans, and the gunk and the stains

   but for several long weeks, a distinct smell remained

   which just might have been even worse if we’d eaten the beans

Now every november, during our lunchtime at school

there are kids who remember, and some even say it was cool

they remember the glory of the messy campaign

they've forgotten the heartache, the stench and the pain

and that tim was still angry at mike - not a darn thing had changed

Have we learned nothing, from the three bean casserole war?

I swore on that day, that I'd never throw food anymore

but I hear my old comrades, I can’t help but sight

for the first graders hear them just bursting with pride

and I know that they dream of their own three bean casserole war

Oh, Remember, Remember, the Three Bean Casserole War

there were three kinds of beans smeared on every last inch of the floor

it clung to the wall like the stickiest paste

it ruined your clothes and it stuck to your face

many good kids got messy in the three bean casserole war

(c)2007 by Adam Selzer. ASCAP